The Truth

This is hard.  Really hard.  Being a Mom is hard, harder than I ever thought before.  And it is getting harder the older the kids get.  Some days I think “what am I doing?”  I am not getting better at this I am getting worse!  Where is my patience?  Mom’s are supposed to be soft, not hard.  Kind not abrasive.  Soft spoken, not yelling.  I am none of these, not now.  Yesterday I went to Walmart, leaving later than I had planned because of things I needed to get done at home then feeding and changing Boston and finally getting out the door.  So I left 15 minutes before Cameron was to get home and about 30 minutes before the others got home from school.  I got the things I needed at Walmart, got the car washed and vacuumed then got a call from the kids.  First from Alyssa, mad I wasn’t home to take her to her friends house.  Then a call from Cameron mad I wasn’t home to take him to play baseball.  Seriously I got the run down of why I wasn’t home and why did I have to leave, etc., etc.  Then today I took Cameron and Jason down to the High School to play baseball, leaving Boston with Melanie.  30 minutes after being there Melanie calls with Boston screaming in the background telling me to come home.  So we leave but it wasn’t good enough for the boys.  Baseball, to them, was more important.  So they were mad at me that we didn’t stay longer.  Melanie was mad at me.  Jenna was mad at me because she couldn’t play with a friend.  So I went out and threw the ball with the boys out back after I got Boston to sleep and when we were done 20 minutes later Cameron was still mad at me because it wasn’t long enough.  AHHHH!!!  Am I raising ungrateful, selfish kids?!  I feel like it most days!  I am at the end of my rope with these kids and don’t know what to do anymore.

Comments

Enriquez Family said…
i totally get the feeling! I hear so many times that "they werent the mom they wish they were when the kids were younger" were trying and everyday is a new day! I think thats what is important is that we try again. We cant/wont give int he towel and give up. we got this!
November 12, 2014 at 12:57 PM
Candace and Brian said…
This is going to make me sound mean but this post made me happy. Not happy you are going through this trial just happy I'm not alone. I can't begin to explain this is how I feel every.single.day. I have completely lost myself the last 11 months. I thought having a baby with older kids might be easier but it has definitely been a challenge. Just too much to do {or demands} not enough energy or time. I am NOT the mom I want to be...but I'm their mom. I guess that's something. Chin up SUPERWOMAN you floored me with 5, you'll have your groove with 6 in no time. For now, sleep. {Oh and my opinion is NO you are't raising ungrateful selfish kids. Just kids!}
November 12, 2014 at 8:05 PM
Anonymous said…
I feel that way with only five. People say if you can handle three then anything after that is a piece of cake. I beg to differ...4 was by far my worst and the fifth I feel like I have lost all abilities to stay caught up on every day tasks. Enjoy that sweet little guy. My heart aches every time I think that I will never get the chance to bring another baby home. He is adorable!
November 15, 2014 at 6:55 PM
The Ottley's said…
Oh my gosh!! I only have 4, one of which just sleeps.... But amen to this post! My patience sucks!
January 4, 2015 at 10:41 PM
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